Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize