i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
