well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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