Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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