She said her name was "party"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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