peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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