if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
