your thong is hanging out like whoa
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
