is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
