Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
