I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
