Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
