oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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