My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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