We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
