I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
