I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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