how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
