she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
