I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
