girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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