life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
