There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize