I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
