so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
