Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
