Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
