4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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