Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
