...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His nipple licking is glorious
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