one two three fourrrrnication!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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