I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
