she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
