M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
