I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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