PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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