I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize