tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
