Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
