That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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