So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
