I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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