You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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