im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
