Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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