she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
