Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
