Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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