when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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