HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
