I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
