Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
