Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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