I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
