Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize