I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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