Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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