Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
