Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
