You can't motorboat a personality
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sober January is a disaster.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize