Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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