Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
