wanna go halves on a baby?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk walkin through police station. America
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So much Jack, so little girl.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
