Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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