so that wasnt chicken after all
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
