shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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