Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
