Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
