Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
