She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
