I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Please, let me fuck your mom
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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