We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
