so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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