Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
